STAKE THAT excerpt © Mari Mancusi

BLOGFAST SUX!!!!!!!!!

OMG I am sooo pissed right now!

As you know, I’ve been keeping this blog for like EVER in an effort to document my transformation into a vampire. I’ve shared with you my notes from my Vamp Certification 1 class, told you all the juicy details about my hot vampire blood-mate-to-be, Magnus. Heck, I’ve even posted excerpts from the Biting Humans for Fun and Profit manual.

But what does my blogging program decide to do the week everything is supposed to go down? IT decides to go down TOO! The whole last week’s worth of entries—vanished into thin cyberspace air. Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Okay, deep breath Rayne. There’s nothing you can do about it except send threatening hate e-mail to Blogfast.com. And then the vindictive little geeks who run the site will probably delete your whole blog all together instead of just last week’s entries. Better to just recap and deal.

But still. Major grrr, if you ask me.

Okay. Of course you’re all dying to know: am I a vampire? After all, the last blog entry of my own Neverending Story not eaten by The Nothing was written the night I was scheduled to be transformed. I was headed to Club Fang (the coolest goth club in the known universe) with my twin sister Sunny. (Yes, yes, we’re Sunshine and Rayne. Hippie parents and all that. And we’ve already heard all the jokes, so please don ’t bother.)

There, I was to meet my blood mate, the drool worthy vampire Magnus.

He was supposed to bite me and then we’d spend eternal life together as vampires, which FYI is a pretty sweet gig. I mean we’re talking riches beyond belief, amazing powers, and best of all NO HIGH SCHOOL. w00t!

Problem is that’s not exactly how it all went down. Instead of biting me, Magnus the Mentally Challenged bit my twin sister Sunny instead. We’re like, identical, you know, but still! You’d think he would at least have double checked that he had the right girl before going to the point of no return. After all, we’re talking Real Life Extinguishing Event here, not some Parent Trap movie starring Lindsay Puke Lohan.

And let me tell you, Sunny, who had no idea up until now that the whole vamp world even existed, was so not pleased to be informed that due to a “bloody” bad case of mistaken identity she would now spend eternity as a pasty, blood gulping creature of the night. (Her words, not mine!) And Magnus the Moron was freaked out beyond belief that he was going to get in trouble with the boss Lucifent for performing an unauthorized bite. (After all, she wasn’t even blood tested first for diseases. Not that my innocent little twin sis would ever have diseases!) Luckily for Maggy, Lucifent got dusted soon after by Bertha the Vampire Slayer. So Mag not only got off scot free, he became the new Master of the Blood Coven and high priest of the eastern vampire conglomerate of the United States of America.”. Life is strange.

So long story (somewhat) short, the two of them decided to see if they could stop the transformation. Ended up having to go to England to get a drop of pure blood from the Holy Grail. It’s too long and boring to tell, but I made Sunny promise to write it all down so maybe when she does I can post it here or something. Bottom line, they were able to stop the vamp process and my sweet little sis is now a member of the human race again. Of course, in the process, her and Magnus fell deeply in love and they’re all doing the inter-species dating thing now.

Which leaves me back at square one. No hot blood mate to spend eternity with. No riches beyond belief. Just an American History paper that I didn’t write because I’d assumed I’d be an immortal dropout before the due date. Can we say Rayne ’s life sucks big time?

Bleh. I’m too depressed to write. More later.

POSTED BY Rayne McDonald @ 8:30 AM

3 COMMENTS

Ashley says...

OMG Rayne! That totally sux that Blogfast ate ur entries. U should like totally sue or something. I’d been on vacation with the fam & figured I’d catch up on ur adventures when I came back and now I’ve missed everything! Booooooo!!

butterfliQT says...

Thank god your sis got 2 got to turn back 2 a human! From what you’ve written about her, I think she’d make a totally sucky vamp!!!! (LOL – sucky vamp! hehe)

Rayne says...

I’m sooo with you, Butterfli. I mean, the girl didn’t appreciate the idea of immortal life and big bucks one bit! She was more interested in who was gonna take her to the prom. Puh-leeze.

DarkGothBoy says...

Hey. U R Hot. Screw Magnus. He sounds like a tool. I’ll be your blood mate any day. IM me - darkgothboy.

Rayne says...

What-EVER dude. I’m looking for a REAL vampire, not some poseur who gets off on blood suckage.